Apr 18
I just had the most intense work day ever because i had to clean up alone because no one else was able to take the dishwash shift at 12 to help me. luckily the cooks helped me, but it was still so much. i take my words back with thinking it would be chill to work here. but we'll see how it goes.
Also i have a shit ton of new outfits i should add to my closet here.
i'm so happy the sun is out more. i can't explain how excited i am for summer, man. it's insane i can't fucking wait. especially Annecy Animation Festival because it's going to be the biggest reunion for me. I'm going to meet up with my friends from Switzerland, and ill see my classmates again lol. AND i can't fucking wait to meet new people.
There was one awkward moment when someone from Paris offered to maybe join her and her class at a campsite. But she still had to check if there was room. Then we had a whole conversation about biking, and she said she wasn't really good at it, so I said:“Oh, maybe you could practice with friends or something.” she said: “Yeah, that’d be fun.”
and then i said: “or i can teach you how to bike lol”
Dude, days after I said that, it feels like it might have come across as flirting, but I DIDN’T MEAN IT THAT WAY. I was just trying to be nice. i dont even know if that comes off as flirting IDK i don't know anything about that anway. but sometimes i say things and people get weird or uncomfortable by it or they view the context differently and it sucks because i always view it as something nice.
There was also a time i was talking to this teacher in switzerland and we were just talking about music and a few of my classmates were standing next to me the whole time and when i was done with the conversation with him they said: 'ooo why were you flirting with the teacher???' BRO I WAS JUST ASKING QUESTIONS WHAT DO YOU MEAN??
Apr 17
slept so bad yesterday that my internship superviser became a bit mad about it. that was just embarassing man. for the rest of the day i was just tired and brain empty it was so bad.
after work i did some workouts to make me feel better and it worked. most of the time you just feel too tired to workout. but believe me, just start with one exercise and you'll see you wanna try more if you have a specific goal. my goal is to get rid of my cracky knees and ankles while working on my entire body at the same time. i'm so tired of the cracky sounds i literally go crazy.
you ever just have so many plans that you don't know how to keep them going. for me it's with drinking water and eating yogurt. it's so simple yet so hard because habits are embedded into your brain like it's engraved on stone. but some other new habit i reached is eating more fruit. loving apples has made is so damn easier obviously. but everything takes time. if eating more fruit helps, then eating more yogurt and drinking water will help too. you know what they say: patience is key and keep going. i guess.
i also need to go on a walk more often.
agh, taking care of yourself is so hard. i want to reach the point where selfcare will be fun and chill. sounds depressing asfuck when i say that but recently i haven't been feeling great that i shower less which is discusting, iknow. everything takes so much energy, even putting on clothes. i've been meaning to go to therapy but i have no money so i try to do it myself by just working out at the right times of the day: morning strethes and workouts before sleeping. so far it's slowly working but i just need to be consistent.
sorry for this whacky rant. shit its late noooooo. i need to sleep. SLEEP, i need more SLEEP. aaaghh.
Apr 12
agh this month will probably be the shittiest month, but i hope not. i skipped work today because i felt this intense tiredness taking over me and i wanted to do absolutely nothing. i needed this break but still i feel tired. thank god i told my internship i wanted less days so now i have one free day which is good.
tbh i'd rather want to do commissions than dishwashing but i don't have any ppl that want me to commission something for them rn. and my style changes all the time it feels like so that also sucks. i really wanna work on that but now with work it's impossible to do that. i just need money for my holidays and Annecy. why does everything have to be so fucking expensive, including my relationship.
i feel like these years are me just making the most awful decisions and learning from them, hopefully, to never do them again later.
i haven't dated anyone ever in my life until now, and suddenly shit's so damn complicated.
life can also be like one big humiliation ritual. embarass yourself, learn from it and move on. this shit hurts so bad you'd rather want to rip your skin off. and tbh when you talk about it later, it's more funny than bad. i always wanted to forget my most embarassing experiences so most of them are gone now.
But when i was a waitress i accidentally drank up the last beer order before sending it to the customers because everyone else was having a break already. oops. spilling a shit ton of cola and beer entirely on one client. i ate bad cheese and shat my ass off in the airport's toilets with lot's of reverb in it while there was a whole line waiting for me to be done (i heard lauging). making lots of mistakes on your second dishwash day while ppl thought i have lots of experience eventhough that was a year ago.
i couldn't reach a shelf with some kitchen utensils above the stove and my shirt got almost lit on fire. communicating badly because i didn't know how to do it properly and realizing i might sounded like a total bitch to them (i apologized many many times). as a waitress trying to match your clients humor but no one is laughing.
these are just small things. just lots of silly accidents that you'd rather want to forget because they make you feel incredibly bad about your reputation as a person.
but the big decisions ive been making is just stacking up and i hope i won't get a burn out. working besides internship because i want to have an awesome summer, but i also have to finish another big project for school. i wont be able to hangout with friends often, but i already do that. while also trying to manage ldr. all this doesn't feel embarassing, it's more tiring asfuck and i hope i could change something about it.
Apr 9
i heard i can't do any more animation on the trailer because i'm quite slow which broke my heart. but what i can do is clean up which means copying the lineart onto the characters frame by frame. that was fine tbh. whatever.
after i went to the clothing swap farah hosted and surprisingly a lot of people grabbed my clothes. i'm glad 3/4th of it is gone lol. it was quite overwhelming to me because there were a lot of people i don't know and i was too anxious to talk to them. i mostly talked to farah and lev.
regardless of seeing them again i felt wacky. it happens ya know. me and lev might go hitchhiking some day which would be so cool. first we're going on a small trip and then for a bigger one maybe. we were hesitant to go all the way to annecy hitchhiking together but he doesn't know where he would stay so it's not gonna happen. agh it would've been pretty cool tbh because that would be such a cool inspiration for an animation movie.
Apr 8
the weather is getting better yippeee. just a regular day today tho. nothing much happened, just work. tomorrow ill be going to a clothing swap venue thingy so that'll be fun. i reallly hope to find some gems.
Apr 7
he dmed me to continue the conversation. He's going to Annecy as well. for me everyone fucking canceled the trip so i still have to find a place to stay. well, there's a possibility i could join my friends i met in switzerland. but they still need to hear from their school if they can go, because almost everyone can't go because the modules are held during annecy. but since they're only doing internship they would have a 95% chance to go.
so i would be soooo excited to meet up with them and also with the awesome artist. I REALLY want to meet so many new cool people as well. i'm so excited.
AND i also just got a message from a student from paris responding to my story that i could join them at a camping site for 8,- a night. they will ask their teacher if they got free places for me. that would be so fun. i've been following this artist for a while too. they make really awesome animations.
first ill wait if my friends are really able to go. if not i will join the paris students.
Apr 6
felt like shit today but my day went better around 7/8pm . this artist i admire for a long time already followed me back and now he put me in his private story list and he asked ppl to recommend some albums. so i recommended him some albums from all natural lemon & lime flavours. and i never thought he foreal would dm me back with questions about my life and school lol. i also feel honored in general that he followed me and likes my art. we talked till 1am. he worked on crazy animations like primal and stuff as well. he has studied at my school and i still keep hearing my classmates talk about him because he's such a legend. but it's also a lot of luck because he got to do an internship at La Cachette, which is almost every junior 2d animator's dream studio.but in general he's also awesome. he got good music taste ngl.
later that night i went outside to go bike somewhere. the sky looked so pretty with so many colors.
Apr 5
this refreshing towel smells pretty good tbh. i love mandarine smell man.
i got this in a cafe in berlin. i just realized i can't buy these anywhere else and i just threw it away T^T.
ohno it's 1:41am.
velocity:design:comfort album by sweet trip is so good.
i keep buying new mini notebooks because of the different paper and designs. muji is dangerous for me. i also have so many different sticky notes it's insane. i love collecting scraps too to put them in my notebooks. gosh this muji notebooks spine is so damn strong. it doesn't tear when the pages have basically doubled it's size. i glued pieces of cardboard on the front covers of it though to make it extra strong because it was just thin paper before.
oh shit i had my first day at work as dishwasher. i finally got to have 30 minutes break WITH some hella good bread with creamcheese with limejuice and salad and other vegetables. i didn't talk much, only awkward small talk with my new colleagues. it's so much more chill to work during the day because you get to get home around 4 or 6pm and get to do something afterwards with no stress on your mind. whenever i have to work at 6 till super late i can barely do something beforehand because i'm afraid i will forget the time. i can set an alarm or something, but it's more that i'll have to think about work all day.
Apr 4
around 6pm i was selling art prints, stickers, etc on a fun market at the place i'm doing internship at. this place is filled with different creative businesses cramped up together next to this skatepark, boulder and circus venue. it's crazy iknow.
this day was pretty fun. i got to see so much stuff. i bought a nice tshirt, a few pins and a new collection i'm super excited about. i had the most fun interaction with this guy who sold framed butterflies and bugs. he knows so much about them and he collects them. this collection can be super old where the oldest would be from around the 1930's/1920's. it's insane. i couldn't choose which one i wanted because they were all so gorgeous! so i started asking about almost every butterfly and insect that is displayed. he bought these collections from schools and universities, especially old ones because some schools don't need them anymore and it's a shame to throw them away.
i eventually bought 5 bugs that are displayed in one frame. they're so beautiful. i got a green flower beetle(green barred scarab), a longhorn beetle and three different stagbeetles: female stag beetle, New Guinea stag beetle and the prosopocoilus bison. Then he said i can have 3 resin bugs FOR FREE "because you love bugs so much". i got the sagra beetle, longhorn beetle and a cicada nymph. "oh you can have this bee too if you want." BRO omygod. i definitely saved up 22 euro's (25 dollar) as you can see.
Apr 3
thankgod it's a free day. i wanted to craft a book with fabric cover but i don't know how to use the sewing machine and my dad was at work so i couldn't learn it from him T^T.
instead i've been working on this site i guess.
also i fucking love eternal family. i can't wait to watch more silly weird cool movies.
Mar 31
went to berlin from 27 to 30th march to see david lynch's paintings. also to see other stuff out there. it was just hanging out with my classmate and her gf. 3rd wheeled super hard but yeagh it was okay. i felt so tired most of the time which sucked so bad. anyways berlin got so many trinkets you could buy hooolyshit. i was at trinket haul heaven bro. if i lived in berlin my room was filled with random cool shit. there were so manyt things i wanted to buy but couldn't because i'll have to bring them back home too in a way because we were traveling by train.
it was super cool to see david lynch's paintings in real life. it felt so surreal. the man himself made this shit in his studio working with mixed media materials. you can watch more of my berlin trip here.
we also tried A LOT of pastries. kim wants to become a pastry chef so she wants to try out sooo much flavours. Hunter wanted to try out so many other cocktails because she works at the bar somewhere to make cocktails.
literally perfect match. kim loves cooking so much. she works at this michelin restaurant too. hunter likes to make cocktails besides making movies. they recently moved to their new house together so they also tried to buy some new stuff for their house. how perfect do you want your life to be right now.
it did felt like i was just there. also i've noticed that we don't always like the same stuff. they don't really like squatted places or other places that look "edgy" or something. i hate that fucking word man. that one cafe didn't even look edgy. it was pretty cozy man. it wasn't "trying so hard to look daring or cool" or something. there were just a few cool looking alt ppl sitting there. the word edgy feels like a slur for alt ppl. probably because my bullies back then used it as a slur. sorry, when i heard them say that word i got crazy flashbacks.
ANYWAYS we went to check out this best fucking cinema overthere ever. they rent out dvd's too and they literally got EVERYTHING. DUDE. we got so sad that we weren't able to buy them T^T.
not many ppl are even there so that's also chill and you're surrounded by trinkets and dvd's. i would LOVE to work there. this guy was just checking tickets and then later he just started playing the guitar when everyone already entered the cinema room (we didn't go tho, we were too tired for that) i think he played a weezer song somewhere near the counter on a couch and he sang pretty good. i hope he heard me sing the second voice when i was casually looking at the flyers on the tables. but i always sing softly so idk. i think the song was 'island in the sun'.
uugh, oh to work at a cinema and be able to play guitar whenever you want when it's quiet.
agh i wanted to secretly film the environment with his music in the background. but instead i got this other video of just the cinema sounds and stuff while we were roaming around.
Mar 24
today it's nice to be on your period because i got to spend time at home doing nothing. i needed that. i'm too overwhelmed. i don't care if i have stomach aches i really needed some rest.
yesterday was a bad day so to survive that i made a zine about and angel who tries to connect with the world around him.
i'm going to post some zine entries as soon as possible. i really want to show them.
i've realized i want to make so much stuff other than animation right now. making zines, experimental graphic novels, bookbinding, posters, buttons, stickers, prints, sockpuppets/monkeys. i'm much more in the mood for that now.
i've also realized i need to be in this specific state of flow to create art where i need to be in a very specific special environment in order to boil. and that specific environment will usually be:
but it questions my existence as an artist who most likely is going to do commissions in the future. and lately it's really hard to get to this creative flow.
i always feel it at night when i'm about to fall asleep. it's that exact same feeling when you've reached the after party where only a few people are left and you start to do some other weird chill shit where you suddenly talk about the most philosophical stuff you've come up with.
during covid i managed to get to this flow every damn day. it was quite hard for me during artschool to enter this flow, because i couldn't reach one of those points. i still need to figure out how to get to that flow in a different way.
also when i visited my bf we came across Floating World Comics and since then my brain did an 180. they sell different zines and comics from big to small artists that you may or may not have heard of. i found MoldMoldMold, Ding Dong Circus, MisUnderstood, Vermis, more surreal graphic novels, more 70s/80s figurines, it's literally the most inspiring place ever on the planet for me. together with cafe Pacori. fuck man i miss them so much. i need Floating World Comics in Europe.
omygod i have so many thoughts right now but it's godamn 1am.
when i watch short animations it really keeps me reminding of how simple a story actually can be to be damn good.
at the animation festival there were movies about how to grow a pineapple where you'll dance while waiting for it to grow. that's it. or about a guy fishing on a boat in a lake, texting their friend if they wanna join but doesnt get an answer, and he catches a very insecure fish and tosses it away in the pond after reassuring the fish. the story is just that short that it's hard to make a summary out of them.
also i love archive insta accounts where they show a bunch of old media that they collect and show it and talk about it to other people. very inspirational.
my favs: pinakotheca_book and t.archivist. But i try to use instagram less as possible obviously. i really wonder how they find all of that.
on one of their posts i recognized a picture from a bdsm magazine that lev had found at a thriftmarket in amsterdam. the magazine had a different name but on the post they made scans from "Rubberist 11," early 90's. maybe the one that lev found was just a collection of different photo's from different articles about the same bdsm. it's very interesting.
my new quest: collecting niche old magazines.
ugh i want to use my body for art but i'm not comfortable enough to do that yet. but yea art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable i guess.
i want to experiment with body image a bit more.
Mar 22
didn't felt alright the entire day. i did get a signature from joanna quinn so that's cool.
regardless, i still felt tired and shitty.
i hope tomorrow will be alright.
i'm glad i still got my plushies to sleep with. iknow it sounds childish but its quite nice.
during this time of my life feeling sick is nice because i wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore and only have to take care of sickness and chill in bed.
Mar 21
felt too tired to travel too far so i couldn't attend the sock puppet workshop. so instead i stayed in town buying stuff. got taiyo matsumoto's 'tokyo these days' 2 and some clothing i needed for this summer.
Mar 20
watched some amazing movies today: ChaO and All You Need Is Kill. i will write a short review on them both soon, if i have the time.
ah man ChaO's visual development is INSANE.
anyways, the rest of the day was just crafting with people. im tryin to make the sock baby with bell teeth.
ate turkish pizza at the bay to see this 180 view of the skyline of a part of amsterdam. it looked awesome. i wish i was a bird chilling in their nest somewhere stable up high with no problems.
Mar 19
i'm going to dishwash two times a week next month. ill be paying off Annecy completely with that. AND ill be selling some art stuff at this market soon. AND hopefully online too. so ill be paying off both Annecy, the trip with me and my bf and flutecamp. and i need to stop buying shit from vinted and random snacks from the store to be able to get richer.
i realized this summer is going to be french: Annecy, Viviers and Paris. i'm scared to become french. i don't want to become french. i do want to become mean, bitter and more mean. no jk, iknow fs some french people are awesome. we'll see. i'll give an update by then.
oh shit, i forgot i wrote down to learn how to speak french fluently as a bit on my quest page. damn wtf, maybe my quest page is just my fate.
omygod im reading through it further now and i forgot i wrote all of these down at some point. making a sock baby??? soon ill be attending a sock puppet workshop at this festival in amsterdam. am i just writing down my future? or is it purely manifesting? whatsgoingon.
i'm going to make individual pages of almost each quest i managed to finish. But ya know, some quests become a lifestyle.
do you ever feel incredibly dehydrated when you only got tea and constantly burn your mouth on accident because you're so thirsty? yeah.
today was a regular day but that doesn't mean i got regular thoughts. i guess. maybe.
i'm tired again.
Mar 18
just animating. after that i went to school and hungout with miles and people from the year below me. we played pingpong around the the table. i got tired and continued crafting at the crafting table because the festival was still going on. i folded another zine but i still need to think about what stuff i can put in it.
ugh i put so much stuff on my plate now. tennis, dishwashing, internship. soon maybe learning how to circuit bend, joining a fun animation session where we would make an animation within 2 hours, a market to sell stuff, 1 exhibition later around summer, finishing my endmovie. aaghh i hope i can handle it. if not i can always just quit some stuff. i do need that job though, i need money for annecy and the trip with my bf. this is year is so expensive aagh, i NEED to open up an online shop ASAP. i need to get rid of my prints ASAP.
Mar 17
today was INSANE. i went to these "industry days" where people from the animation industry would talk about their work, studio and animation processes. and you can also talk to them afterwards and to other people in the industry to get more info.
there was this one CGI creator, Masaya Inaba, who gave a presentation about how the animation process goes in japan. it was really interesting. They're working with a lot of paper. he worked at Studio 4C that made one of my favourite animes. he also worked on ChaO and All You Need Is Kill and im going to watch both of them soon in one day.
After he gave the presentation you were able to ask more questions outside and i asked him a question about why they use so much paper in japan. and he said it's easier to communicate with the animators and to make small adjustments to send it back to them. But it also depends on the director, if they find paper more chill or not.
Then he gave me the example papers he worked with to me as a gift and i was like OH OMYGOD NO WAY REALLY? and then he started to handout the 3 other papers to other people who were standing around him lol. so rn i have a banger souvenir AND a signature from him. "keep pushing yourself." thanks man i lowkey needed that.
then i went to do a lot of other stuff and then i went to the after party to hangout at. Cool people asked me if i wanted to go to Annecy with them so hellyeah i'm down.
also i was hanging out with a bunch of friends eating ice sandwhiches? idk what its called. but we saw this guy in a van going crazy on some loud music he played in the car. i'm happy for him.
Mar 16
regular intern day. got a massive headache after again. probably because of yesterday but, even before the festival i got a lot of headaches. maybe because i sleep bad :(
omygod march is going crazy good. i began to hangout more with friends after work. i have two now, farah and lev. the other ones feel like acquaintances that i don't really feel connected to. but that's okay. maybe zita is part of my good friends but i haven't seen her in such a long time. i'm going to travel with her to flutecamp this summer so i'm very excited. ugh, the original epic flutecamp group is not coming this year unfortunately, including farah. loserss. they're too busy. so now it's going to be a me and zita sidequest to flutenation, where people around the world are brought together every 4 years to make music between the valleys of france in the middle of nowhere (not just in france; with each edition, it moves to a different country).
sounds epic to me.
also i have to find ways to write in here because soon ill be too busy to write some entries probably. Either i have to become a hardcore morning person, or i gotta stay a night goblin eating snacks at midnight because they're not ready for the next day.
Mar 15
i watched only a marathon of shorts, with having breaks in between, and i almost slept during one oops. So i decided not to go to the last shorts so instead i continued crocheting that i learned again during lunch. i thought i learned it today but then i realized i made a bunny for my bf before so i basically lied to everyone and myself about it. i made a papper today.
a couple days ago i met mari and they're so funny. during the crochet workshop they were like : 'OMYGODOMYGOD OMYGOD, AH, AH ,AH , AHHH, HOLYSHIT NO WAY, HUH?? HUH?? IT'S LIKE... IT'S LIKE VOODOO... WHATHEFUCK?! wait HUH?, okay so, so, it goes like, it goes like this and then, WHATFUCK.'
i was also too locked in to talk to new people. it's scary man.
Mar 14
I'm gonna make short reviews, on the animations ive seen at this festival. uhm yeah again i've watched a lot.
there was one i hated and was confused by. It's called: Death Does No Exist. it's about a group of people trying to kill these rich people. but throughout the movie one of the maincharacter's "friends", i guess, keeps telling her that it's not good to use aggression against people of power. and the movie shows only agressive protests which made it seem like protests in general give off agression, eventhough that's not true. And it seems like the movie says that we can't even talk about our emotions and thoughts about politics anywhere else outside our family and close environment. it was weird. the mc realized: 'i should take care of my anger towards my family and the ones i have dear.' or something. dude. the fact that an old white man made this says kinda enough. I watched it with my friend miles and he left the room before it finished which made sense. i wanted to see how it ends and that's where they showed a huge ocean wave destroying the city with yelling noises. ugh the animation was great but the story wasn't that good.
anyways, before watching it i ate really good ramen. yummy.
also i watched Nobody and that one was surprisingly good. i never thought the story and the character arcs were well written because the artstyle looks like any other anime with animals in there, kinda, where the main theme would scream 'never give up' in your face. But you should watch it fr.
there was also an after party, for networking, at 8pm but i got too overwhelmed by everything so i kept drawing somewhere.
Mar 13
Laetitia Sadier - un soir un chienI hungout with lev at his house to make ideas for weird posters to hang around town. his house is pretty cool. very messy 7/10. but you're still able to walk around. we ate sandwhich with avocado and vegan bacon. His room is awesome. he collects random stuff so he has mannequins, random dolls, cool kinky magazines from the 70s/80s, other random stuff he found at thrift stores and dumpster diving. i still gotta show more stuff i found on this web. anyways, we were so brain dead lol it was just hanging out i guess. i got to overwhelmed by the cuteness of his cat. she's so cuuutteee i couldn't stand letting her go.
after i went to Kaboom Animation Festival which was around the corner. i watched so many crazy good films. one of them was God is Shy and hooolyshit it's my favourite now.
i was so tired after this day because i watched 17 shorts and one documentary/movie. and i will watch that many for the following 2 days and next weekend as well but then in Amsterdam.
Mar 12
i went to amsterdam for a scriptmeeting for a liveaction movie that my internship supervisor is working on and i got invited just to see how the script process goes. the meeting was above a cinema it's cool.i didn't know what to say the whole time. then i was trying to go home but unfortunately there were no trains going to my town anymore from amsterdam so i needed to go to a different town in order to take the train there to my town. but i was also a little stressed because i had this trial day at this nice cafe soon. but luckily i got there on time even after going home first to change clothes and then go.
the trial day was chill. just dishwashing but it's quite different for me because it's a smaller kitchen now. everyone is pretty calm and i think a lot of artsy people work there so that's cool. i mean they gave the vibe of artsy people.
Mar 11
after work i went to bikewars to countdown lev's birthday. Before going there i wanted to bake somehting for him and i asked what he wanted. He wanted vegan brownies so i'm like hellyeah that's a deal. when i came over there were already 2 other brownie pots on the table. one big brownie party it seems.
i met more of his friends and i saw miles again. we're probably gonna make a band together with someone else he knows. hopefully it's gonna be cool. And also lev's friend who's a music manager was there and they said: 'call me if you're a band, we can organize something.' so yeah crazy coincidence.
we just talked at the campfire with everyone and counted down to his birthday. Later we vandilized/deleted some rightwing evil political posters around town.
lev got a certain key from his birthday to open up posterbillboards behind glass (also at busstops). so that's awesome. police passed by but it seemed like they didn't care. why would they tho. anyways, the night was fun and also im planning to make silly posters with lev soon. like: 'have you seen this coin?' or 'come to my banana gig for free banana's and a whole lot of monkey business.'
Mar 8
did nothing till 5pm. went on a walk and bought a fruit bowl and ate it at a playground. i layed down on the edge of the slide. tbh it's pretty chill to use slides as a chair why didn't i do that before? also i met a super cute fluffy colorful cat.
i walked around the neighborhood through small alleyways. i like alleyways. they're only cozy during the day though.
btw a couple weeks ago my colleagues had a conversation about this awful pizzaplace in my town who doesn't clean their restaurant and serves slightly warm pizza.
but their website is such a banger man, omygod. i wish more stores or restaurants have these old website layouts lowkey, it's such a vibe.
i just really want to eat at mr jacks now but i don't want to get food poisoning.
Mar 7
i went to the cinema to watch Wanda (1970) you can read my wacky small review on it here. then right after i went to get a package and clothing hihi.
And then i went to eat dinner at my dad's new restaurant he's working at with my family. he's a cook and he has finally found his place in the cooking industry. now he's making authentic indonesian dishes so he feels close to home and we're all so happy for him. besides the food he really wants to be in an environment to learn and grow his cooking skills. the team he is part of has previously worked at professional restaurants, some of which have michelin stars. and this restaurant is very special because most of the ingredients are directly imported from indonesia so the taste isn't like any other indonesian restaurant run by dutch people, so that's cool. the food was amazing obviously. the rendang tasts just like how my dad made it a couple years ago at dinner but better because of the ingredients. i missed longtong so much it was so good. i also want to learn how to make spice cake.
Mar 6
it's my friends birthday and we were planning to go snowboarding today. but the most unfortunate thing is that my head started to hurt so bad and my energy bar stayed low the entire day. and now i'm scared i can't join them. i payed fucking 60,- for that. dude. it's non-refundable as well. omygooood i hate my body for doing this. see, now it happened again. when i have something cool to do my body just gives up suddenly.
this reminds me of the time that i drank coffee before going to machine girl concert and while i was in the train i suddenly felt so weak and super tired immediately like i almost passed out, it was that bad. so i couldn't go anymore. am i cursed or something? please i just want to live my life normally while having fun like everyone else.
maybe the reason why my body is shutting off rn is bc i've been sleeping at 2am every day for a month right now + internship.
i'm glad i'm gonna do tennis soon so my sleep will get better.
OH UPDATE: THE TICKETS ARE REFUNDABLE, i was so scared, man. i called the snowboard/ski resort just in case and thank god they can cancel my tickets.
also i just texted with my friend and she said to me it's better to do 4 days of doing internship instead of 5. Why did no one tell me you can do 4 days. i managed to keep it up for a month. My three weekend wish will finally come true.
whenever i get a headache, i have to go outside. i don't want to sit still. What made my day a little better was that the neighbors' cat came to chill in our garden and that i saw two coots and a nest in a pond while i was eating a sandwich. yet my day sucked because of my stupid headache.
wow it's so fun to see how many bad, good and regular days i actually have in these months. january had alot of nice days because i was in switzerland. febuary had a lot of regular days because i was only focused on internship so everything kinda felt the same. march is off to a bit of a shaky start, but I hope it gets better.
Mar 5
Blegh, i tried to animate well today, but every time the director comes to check it, it's not good enough, and i realize there are so many mistakes in it.
and when i fixed it it's not fixed. aaghh today is not my day.
i drank a lot of tea and there are these questions written on the tealabel at random. i got the question: 'what's the most beautiful thing you've seen today?' well, not my animation, that's for sure. Maybe my bread, which I dumpster dived yesterday, that i toasted in the tosti maker.
Mar 4
farah called me to ask if i would be down to paint a mural somewhere in my town together withher friends friend one day or soon. It'll be a payed job. i'm pretty down.
after work i went to bikewars, a squatted place i regularly go to, to hang with a couple friends and watch punkbands. i thought it was going to suck because i know no one except farah. farah wasn't there yet and it was full house, so i got too overwhelmed. but then i got saved by lev, thankgod he's here.
there were two nice punkbands playing. one of them is alright, the other one was banger but the players in there fucked around too much after.
i hungout most of the time with farah and lev and after we went dumpster diving somewhere at the station. it was fucking 1am and everything was empty and the police still wanted to be a bitch about us cycling on the stationsquare. anyways, we went to the dumpsters and we found so much stacks of bread. we saw that they were all packed TODAY.
the posters at bikewars were underwhelming because they're super small and the design should be a bit more epic. but we really like the concept. We were talking about changing it soon, but we'll see when.
Mar 3 2:38am
oops. i've been going to bed at 2am for the past 2 weeks and i can feel my brain not handling it during work time. i look like i got speaking issues when communicating with people. information comes in so late. when someone says something important i forget it in 5 seconds again. shit man.
the reason why i always go to sleep at that time is because i'm not ready for the next day and i want more free time. im only able to get free time for 4 hours if i want to sleep early. school feels more free than doing an internship right now for some reason. it's so weird. the schedule is the exact same, but internships are more serious than school. you're doing an actual job where you're working for someone/something serious. so that means more pressure. and also i'm super shy around new people/colleagues, so it already takes up too much energy for me to engage.
ah shit i was planning to work a side job 2 nights a week, but maybe i should keep it at one since i'll be exercising too.
Mar 3 10am-4am
when i woke up it felt like i had to pass out. but im okay dw.
i took a walk during break and called my friends to buy train tickets to berlin. i was buying some snacks at the grocery store during the call when my friend bought the tickets. we're going to travel friday night and go home at monday night. we're purely going to berlin because of David Lynch's paintings that are going to be displayed there. but obviously we want to spend more time overthere doing different stuff too.
everything for david lynch foreal. his work is SO GOOD. the exhibition ends till the 29th and we're literally arriving on the 28th lol. We had to extend it because i have this festival i have to attend.
man, march will be such a busy month. snowboarding this week, festival for a week and a half, last week 3 days berlin. the best thing is that the festival was completely free with my cinema pass. the only wacky thing is that i had to manually buy the tickets to things i really want to go to. with the pass i can't buy the festival ticket that include all the days unfortunately. but whatever, ill do almost anything if i can get it for free.
Also, the upcoming weeks will be sunny and i'm so happy. i can't wait for spring and summer.
Mar 2
Feeling super shitty on a beautiful sunny day. worked for hours. felt too embarassed to act out the character that i was animating in public.
then went to pick up a package. then i went home and did absolutely nothing.
at least my side quest to berlin with friends is hopefully gonna be fun in a few weeks. we still have to buy the tickets. I hope the 3rd wheeling isn't gonna be awful.
ugh. can someone tell me how to stop comparing my life to others. anyways, i handed my resume at 3 restaurants to do dishwashing and i signed up to play tennis again after 6 years. i missed it alot. played for 5 years with passion but unfortunately the people at my club kept being assholes and mean and almost led me into an accident. i could've signed up somewhere else but the nearest club is all the way across town. i don't want to keep going there. So i stopped and tried something else. And every time i watched my grandma and uncle watch wimbledon championship i got fomo. just in general seeing tennis i got fomo.
So yeah, i'm excited to get some training again. i think all the bad people are gone/ have changed now. i just need to exercise to get all the bullshit out of my head.
Mar 1
WARNING: ITS DISCUSTING, READ WITH CARE or something idk what they say. but if you're sensitive to that stuff don't read it.
blegh, dude, my dad was using my toothbrush (that i used when i was in zwitserland too) the whole time on accident since i came back, febuari 1st mind you, and i kinda had my suspisions that there was something off just recently because the stench of his cigarette smell on the toothbrush handle became stronger. but i thought it got that smell from the cup where everyone would put their toothbrush in. i washed it very thoroughly the entire time before using it. but idk why i didnt ask him before. i only started asking him because while i was brushing my teeth i noticed this weird fucking goo on the toothbrush handle that looked like a booger. it was SO FUCKING DISCUSTING. when he told me he used my toothbrush i had to throw up man. a fucking nightmare became true. my dad is really discusting, im sorry. he's a nice guy and all but omygod. i don't like his pall mall scent and leaves it all around the house. big chunks of slime he coughs out each morning stay in the sink. sorry for oversharing and kinda hating on him. i don't know where tf else i can leave it. It's not that i hate hate him. he just has some flaws like every other human being.
bleeghh, i need to deepclean my mouth.
Feb 28
song: soft location - diamonds and gemsGonna spend time working on this webpage. And i need to buy oil pastels to try out. And i want to buy lino tablets with other materials for carving and stamping. I need to make more.
The songs i write down on each entry are songs i wake up with in my head.
update. i didn't go outside because i was working on this webpage. I'm in the mood to become a hermit and be closed off from society becoming one with nature instead.
i can't wait to have a nice house and have an apple tree in my garden.
im so tired, but i don't want to go to sleep because i want more free time
i tried drawing in clip studio paint for the first time somewhere previous week. i never draw digitally so it felt quite weird. but i'm very proud of the outcome :p
Feb 27
I went on a walk during break to buy some snacks. I tried Ube cookie. It was pretty good, but the spot behind my nose bridge and between my eyes started to hurt, probably because of the insane amount of butter in there.
I started making this webpage because i realized my 2025 ended.
Feb 26
It stayed sunny today as well.
I had a call with the team again and now i met two other cool people. one of them, adam, is working on their own indie animation which looked pretty cool. they were in this call just to chill while playing games. And the other one, charles, worked on smiling friends and is the creator of judas iscariot. He's working together with someone from our team because he's doing voice acting for judas iscariot. So i also got to see behind the scenes of the film which is reaallyy cool. He was also super excited to show me some work he has done for smiling friends lol. He worked as background artist for the show. it was pretty cool to see how he did it. Today was crazy. Lol the call became a podcast. i was too nervous to say anything so i was just chilling in there while everyone was babbling about the animation industry and other random off-topic stuff. charles got fired because they're quitting smiling friends. Alot of ppl who worked on it got mad. idk if i can tell the reason in here. but it was chaotic with the way most of them got fired. alot of smoking hot tea was spilled in this call man omygod.
When i went home there was this huge flock of birds flying around again and this time it was HUGE. I've never seen this many in years.
I didn't know where those birds would fly to so i just cycled the regular route. They started to fly above me and i filmed them, it looked so cool. But i totally forgot it would be super risky. Because they pooped on my darkblue jacket. luckily not much but still. I felt embarassed but accepted it.
My dad told me it's a sign of luck, because it's a rare occurence.
I hope so.
Feb 25
At my internhip i was able to try to make lino prints. I had LOTS of fun. carving out the drawing i want to stamp. I can make so many prints and patches now. It's super easy to buy all the materials. I posted some pics online and my friend texted me to ask for a collab with her fashion project to sew patches with my drawings on them. Hellyeah i would.
In general it was such a beautiful day. Finally after so many windy wet and cold days the sun finally appeared.
I went for a long walk calling with my bf. He missed me and he didn't wanted to sleep alone. We just talked till he slept. I can't wait to meet him again.
Feb 18
At my internship i made a zine in 3 hours to get new story ideas. i love making zines so much now. it's so simple. i should make a new webpage with zines i made.
Feb 17
Today i met up with kiara's friends from the US. kiara is my bf's best friend. i met her through him and now she's also a good friend of mine.
But today i met up with two guys and i've met one of them before but only for just one day at the 4th of july party. his name is ryan. him and his roommates bought a giant sign saying: 'smoke hut' which was so funny and iconic. And he made a game called LifeLik together with kiara and some other friends, it's really good. they're still working on it but you can play most of the game already.
but he went traveling with his childhood friend Abe around europe to join multiple jazzjams and have a great time in general. today there was a jazz jam in amsterdam so ryan asked me to join them.
When i met up with them it was awkward at first obviously. i was suuuuper nervous because i didn't knew them that well, but it was cool.
Kiara has been saying to him that i play the piano so good as well. but i feel like she promoted me in a way like i was some sort of legend. Dude, clearly ryan and abe are way better than me. They both went to music school to play jazz together since middle school.
it was super crowded at this bar. the bar was attached to the music school of amsterdam, mainly focusing on jazz and pop. i almost wanted to go study there but realized animation was more of my passion. but when i saw those people jamming together i got a crazy amount of fomo from that. ugh i love jazz so much. i wish to be that good.
ryan and abe both felt a little intimidated by these people because it's next level good. they said they're more technical based than how it is in LA and Eugene. Abe wanted to try to play the piano with them so he stepped in line together with the people waiting for their turn.
ryan told me abe studied music in LA. Dude when he played i was atonished. he's so good man. wow.
ryan plays the saxophone but he didn't carry it with him so he also got fomo from that haha.
idk what we talked about further but it was very nice. i was so nervous the entire time. they're hella chill and talented guys. unfortunately i couldn't stay up till late because the train connections sucked so bad. the last train to home was before 1am.
ian was so jealous they got to hangout with me. sigh.
Feb 15
from now on i want to go to the cinema more often in a week. because i love movies and i will not get distracted while watching one. and watching it in a cinema is a different experience. full on focus on the movie.
i bought this cinema pass for 19eur per month for unlimited cinema visits. And yes there are some cinema's in my town that screen old classics so i'm hella down for that. AND i can go to this animation festival completely for free, heheheheh.
i watched the last viking. i'm not really into dark humor but there are some very funny moments in there.
but on the other hand i got a little uncomfortable by the people who laughed their asses off to someone getting beaten up really bad in a fucked up way.
Feb 14
I hate this day
I spend some time with my bf this morning which was very nice though. I appreciated it alot.
But I still had this wack feeling so i tried to change it by spending time by myself getting cake, sandwich and orange juice for lunch. As well with new cd's and a new shirt that's probably going to be my new favourite. nonetheless, there was still some sort of empty feeling lingering in me.
Later today i went to this party to support farah's performance. Her directed performance was super amazing! She made all the costumes where one of them was made by her friend.
But then everything sucked again. It was alright to see everyone after months spending time abroad. idk it was actually really awkward. I couldn't talk much because everything was too overwhelming and i only felt comfortable talking to farah. But she hopped from multiple friends to another, which i understand.
Later that night everyone danced in this other room to dance the fuckass wack feeling away. It failed. I danced alone between these couples.
today's lesson: never go to a party on valentines day (unless you're not single). But LDR just sucks on valentines day automatically.
i went home and cried.
Feb 11
i did some animation tests. i also got to meet up the team from means of destruction. it was cool. rn i met up the main creators of the show. one of them worked on nickelodeon and stuff. they also said someone else works here at this project who worked on smiling friends and is the creator of judas iscariot which is insaanee.
my brain was so fried today so i couldn't talk much about things to them. and i feel like this entire week is going to suck with my fried brain.
Feb 9
my internship at a collective of freelance animators started. it's 10 minute bikeride away from my house so i'm very lucky with that.
We got to know each other a little and I looked at what everyone is working on. They are mainly working on their own projects and studio work. It's really cool what everyone is doing.
I'm going to do a lot of animation, concept art, and storytelling, and learn.
The project I'm most excited about is The Means of Destruction. It's a truly insane project. I'm quite lucky that the co-founder of that project is in this collective because he's not listed on their website, lol. i can't wait.
Feb 7
I bought a radio because I want to use more physical media since Spotify sucks. I'm also curious to see what old CDs my parents have, and it's nice to have something physical at all. I can also burn playlists onto CDs. Today, I burned Gary Wilson on cd with my favorite songs of his. Oh, and the radio can also play and RECORD cassette tapes. It's a real win-win.
Feb 6
I was planning to go to Kim's birthday party, and she had moved it especially for me, but unfortunately i suddenly got a really painful sore throat and I just can't go. It really sucks. But oh well, next time then.
Today I also went to judge the admissions for upcoming animation students. It's so scary to be a judge and i'm never doing it again. But there are a lot of talented people coming in.
Oh my god, there was this guy who's really good at animation. He animated anime stuff and it looked fucking good. Mappa vibes. I tried so hard to keep my face neutral. next level pokerface, i kid you not. And i was thinking: 'i need to step up my game more man, godamnit.'
Feb 5
went to the doctor for my wart. apparently you can just use ductape.
later i went to another big city to buy some pantyhoses. i spent a lot, oops, but they're all worth it.
on the way i saw a nice cafe that i wanted to try out. but i was too scared to go inside because i feel watched. but that doesn't maaatteerr. aaagghh.
Feb 4
Return day at school. Saw lots of presentations. Everyone had different internships, minors, and exchanges. In the evening, I went to Bikewars, a squat far from the center, to meet up with Lev. There's free food at this bar. It's always very chill there. It was nice to hangout and talk. he always goes on insane adventures like damn your life is fr a movie.
Feb 2
i went to the thriftstore. I was looking for clothes on the rack next to someone else, and we kind of searched towards each other, and then I came across one of the coolest shirts ever. Oh my god, if she had found it first, I would have been done for.
I looked around some more and then I was standing next to a really tall guy, alone in this hallway. And then he started talking: “15 euros for this Zara jacket? What?"
And I looked at him like, are you talking to me? And then he looked at me with a funny face like, “Huh?”
There was a silence: “15 euros for a Zara jacket, can you believe it?” he said.
“that's crazy, man.”
When i went to check out my stuff the cashier said the shirt was really cool: 'wow it'll make you a star. no you know what, you're already a star.'
i didn't know what to say so i said: 'aw you too.'
Feb 1
Went to the library to borrow a book. godamn being back home feels a little weird. i got to see my room in third person. it looks way cooler than my empty white room It's just filled with random shit, but now it feels more comforting and it looks like a pinterest picture.
Also being back in this country is kinda boring now. it's flat, wet and cold. no crazy nature, no mountains. just cool architecture and lots of canals. can you guess where i live?
Jan 30
i dropped off the last remaining food leftovers at school for people to use. also i dropped other unnecessary stuff in the secondhand closet. printed out my train tickets just in case.
Then i got a call from mahela and phil that they have something for me. they're at my front door. 'OPEN UP, LET US IN'. i walked out from school to them and we got to my apartment. It wasn't a surprise because they told me yesterday that they're going to visit me today.
They gave me chocolate from freiburg and rivella. And they gave me a book filled with messages and artwork from the entire class. It was adorable and funny. after they left my apartment with so much hugs i cried reading everything. I miss everyone man.
This night i had a goodbye party with other people from this apartment building. lol they peerpressured me to stay longer. especially andrés lol. i danced salsa and another latin dance with him it was fun. i didn't know he danced for 10 years.
i got to try out a dish from kazagstan and india it was so good. i both forgot the names godamnit.
finally i got the chance to leave because it was suuuper late and i had to leave tomorrow early in the morning at 8:00.
Jan 29
Last class about freelancing feedback round for our teacher and the whole planning of the semester. i was super tired and tried to sleep on the couch outside of the classroom but couldn't. watched all our final idents in the school cinema. it was beautiful. spend time with classmates at an aperol at school. ate kebab after. went to parterre for drinks and play games. luna, vaya, olivia, delia and lars made a 2000's magazine of their ident's presentation and put a crossword puzzel in it about all the idents. i remember their team playing alot of crossword puzzels during break.
felt heavy to say goodbye to so many people, they told me so much compliments and i tried not to cry. I stayed up till late until everyone else was planning to leave. i love everyone, they're the best people i've ever met. everyone is so cool, creative, funny and open to talk to anyone. i wish could've stayed longer but i think i could learn alot more at my internship.
Jan 28
I grabbed dinner with my teammates, noemi, phil and mahela. it was fun. We ate at a japanese restaurant with such good food. I did found out i'm super sensitive to wasabi, because my nose started to burn so bad i thought i got an allergic reaction. But regardless, it was nice to hangout with everyone like this again. we talked about so much random stuff.
ugh when i got home suddenly i feel this wack feeling attacking me out of nowhere.
Gosh what the fuck did i do. I think i'm doing very good when it comes to art opportunities and showing them. My movie was used for a 'good example' for the year below me, i finally got an internship where i get to work on something really cool and to learn about surviving as a freelance animator, got to work on an ident for Adult Swim where i got to be the art director for it, I know people who are incredibly inspired by me and one of them made an entire youtube essay about the realities of being an oddball artist, which is a really good and awesome video go watch it!, and they tagged me in it. i feel so honored. It's all very cool and i'm happy that that part of my life is doing well. But a part of my social life is just fucked up and i don't want to compare myself with other people. It has a huge impact on literally everything and i just can't think straight anymore because of it. I chose this part and i don't know how to get out of it.
Jan 27
talked with the head of animation for the last time and showed him my exchange logbook. he approved, yippee.
had another meeting with my internship to get to know more people. everyone is super chill. i'm going to work on something REALLY cool so that's incredibly awesome.
Later i had a music jam with Tom. he's REALLY good with jazz piano. i can listen to him forever. he learned me some more jazz basics while improvising on the piano together.
i like that there's a piano at school. we should have a piano at my art college back home too.
Jan 24
i didn so much.
showered at 2pm.
walked to the post office holding 6kg package to send to home. my arms are so strong now. i'm sweating i asked someone where the post office is bc i couldn't find it. turn left, go upstairs to right. thanks. found it and made a label. there were so many items in my package the cashier had to write them all down. sorry for the people waiting. it's fun to sign papers.
bought groceries for the last week.
did laundry
vacuumed my room.
watched stranger things on those pirated movies website (because who tf wants to use netflix for that) to hate on it for fun because the script is so cliché and bad.
i wanna watch heather and finish watching twin peaks.
Jan 22
warning: it's going to be discusting
entire day watching presentations showing our idents to our clients.
ate grapes.
gave the presentation about our ident for adult swim and was nervous. everything went well actually. people laughed watching our ident. only compliments.
Gerhard Wolf who represents Adult Swim Europe, said he was already super happy from the start and that 'there's always a project each year that you know it's going to succeed well, and this is that project. we didn't had to worry about it." and "most people see adult swim as grim, dirty and dark but you guys made the opposite: very surreal in this fantastical world with so much weirdness. it's different but fitting. it's super cool.' biggest compliment every holyshit.
after i went out with noemi, nils, delia, clementine, laurenz and julia. first there was an aperol goodbye party for one of the teachers. everyone wanted me to be there. then they said they were going to the light festival to watch their animations in the chapel in town and asked if i could come join them. uhm i was on my period and it happened that day in the morning to it's the worst. i still accepted the invite because i wanted to spend more time with everyone before i leave.
we went to watch the animations and then we entered this small aperol in the small cozy backroom of the chapel. we just ate snacks and drank some cider.
embarassing moment happened. I took a dump in the church's toilet and i lied to everyone that it stank in there already before me. I hope they believed me. I hope even God got my back in there (i'm atheist).
i stole some nuts from the aperol when we left. We went to a bar. unfortunately delia had to go home early.
then at the bar we talked about, school, embarassing piss and poop stories and other embarassing things. wow, talking about perfect timing.
One of them held a bottle for someone to pee in, Someone else peed in a 1,5L bottle after hours of holding it and filled it completely, someone else pooped out of a window, the other peed in the park at daylight infront of some important wall as a child, someone else just pissed in their friends garden every time they came over. I had massive diarrhea at an airport toilet and it echoed super loudly through everything, full on reverb, and i heard people laughing. Walk of shame to the sink washing my hands, then double walk of shame through the people.
But one of them had some hella good barf story: They were playing a Mario kart drinking game where they had to drink every round. Someone stood up and suddenly barfed on the floor, then he tripped over it and fell. He continued barfing on the floor. poor guy.
i was physically dying today. why does it keep happening when the most fun nights require physical pain like headaches and all that. i don't want that to happen anymore. but regardless of the pain, this day was awesome.
Jan 20
It's almost time. Almost time to leave Switzerland. I've learned alot from this school and from myself i guess. It was the first time leaving my house and it has been the greatest shit ever, but also the worst. The worst because i noticed i get anxious when i'm at a place far away from my family. I constantly think that something fucked up might happen and that i would die alone or that no one would help me on time. Iknow it won't happen, but my brain is weird. I'm trying to let it temporarily rain on me and leave those thoughts. I looovvee traveling so much, but the fact that i get panic attacks from thinking about those things is just annoying. There's this paradoxal thing where i really want to leave my country so bad, but as soon when that happens i get panic attacks and want to go back to familiar safety.
Regardless of all that i had a really great time in general. I miss my hometown and i never thought i would say that because i was so bored back home. And i miss the punkconcerts. I gained the courage to text with friends to hangout and i can't wait to see them. I'm still kind of scared because i never know what to do but that's why we'll just figure it out. mhyea. my brain is fried from compositing my movie. Oh i just ate dinner together with classmates which is so fun. I'm going to miss that. I wish we could do that at my homeschool but nop we're not even able to stay there till late. i would love to switch but i don't want to make a thesis soooooo. i'd rather want to finish this. i'm going to miss everyone and i'm definitely planning to see everyone again during christmas maybe. Definitely during Annecy if i got the money.
So one of my classmates and friend, luna, made pasta for the people who stayed up late at school to work on our idents. vaya and livio did groceries. pasta was so good. it's so fun to eat with classmates together at school. you get to know them better it's super cozy.
ugh i wish my school has that. i'm going to miss all of this. felt happy to study and work between lovely people i feel comfortable with.
Jan 18
walked around town recording sounds for my logbook. i have to hand it in soon. I went to the lightfestival, watched animations that are projected inside a chapel classmates made. it was really cool. going on dates alone feels sometimes special.
Jan 17
didnt' do much. watched the oc, bought stuff at zumstein papeterie. i need to eat. i want to make oatmeal cookies tomorrow. haven't showered in a while i feel discusting.
yesterday i was about to sleep and called with ian while he was working. i woke up with heart palpitations, blegh.
Jan 16
Had dinner with my chillian roommate and his friends and other people from the apartment building. My roommate made chillian dinner:
1. idk what it's called but it were selfmade mini soft dough chips dipped in chillian salsa.
2. chillian hotdogs. there's a very specific way to put the ingredients on there:
i was so braindead that night i didn't know what to say to others. i was just there for the food and it was good.
Jan 14
hungout with classmates at school around 21:00. we just talked about alot of random stuff. it was fun. scar stories, meme's, the o.c., ex-boyfriends i guess, etc. fucked up icetea in the fridge that had bloodcloth transparant looking mold in there that fell in my cup.
Jan 13
I went to my classmates apartment to hangout. on the way we walked underneath a bridge with some abandoned vans parked away near some small busstop, it was a vibe.
then we walked past a giant field that has normally alot of corn. We heard cows in the barn.
we made rice with tons of leek and tofu made by vietnamese monks, so that cool. his mom brought it for him. tofu tasted like an omelet it's so interesting.
we drank tea and eve litchi beer. i got stomach aches from it and that's when i really figured i'm sensitive to beer. it happened multiple times before but couldn't lay a finger on it what the cause could be.
Jan 12
school wasn't that interesting. it was just only work.
But after that i went to the filmclub in the school's cinema room. we watched to wong foo. i cried 3 times. ugh you just have to see it. it's such a good feel good movie.
Jan 11
Literally watched the O.C. the entire day. didn't feel like doing something productive.
the show is about a troubled poor teen from the suburbs that got adopted by his rich attorney because his family can't take care of him anymore.
so he enters into this typical world of rich teen adventures that everyone dreams of and family drama. It's usually a show that i would hate but you know what, it's sometimes nice to watch some silly drama. there are alot of good plottwists tbh.
i love free time. when i have free time with no stress and worry it's a good day.
Jan 10
woke up from a nightmare again at night. It's scary to wake up alone from that. i called ian for reassurance. i continued sleeping till 2pm. wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone but i was hungry and someone else was in the kitchen so i had to. i talked to my roommate for a couple minutes while eating oatmeal and then left.
i didn't do anything productive. got groceries, made vegetable soup and started watching the O.C. that two of my classmates recommended to me saying: "IT'S SO GOOOOD, I'M GLUED TO MY SCREEEN.'
Jan 9
woke up from a nightmare at night. came late to school.
had 2 meetings. one was just talking about my exchange logbook.
the other was an interview with my potential internship. it went really well. they're happy to have me as intern. I am so glad that I was able to find an internship opportunity after all. "it's going to be chaotic but you can think about it" made me a little scared, but i guess we'll see.
Jan 6
in the morning we recorded some sounds in the foleyroom. actually this foley person did it for us and she's insanely good. i forgot this is a job that people do, i'm lowkey considering it.
later me and my teammate just only worked on sound editing. the rest of my team was sick unfortunately. it was a tiring day.
i watched welcome to the dollhouse. it was just sad.
Jan 5
felt like shit today because my brain decided to compare my life to others. i fucking hate it and i want to quit.
instead i tried to work and listen to punk/midwest emo to distract myself to try to focus.
Jan 4
song: rexy - funky buttdoing morning stretches and wanting to sleep again. but i need to do something on this fine morning. so i made gyoza for on the way and walked along the river again. i bought more snacks: pretzel and a warm pastry. the sun shines on the houses across the river on the hill. how can some people live in such beautiful places.
i keep seeing the red kite bird everywhere, flying around, it's so cool.
i met a cat
walked underneath a tunnel filled with spiderwebs. walked along the town's oldest wall with towers. people were sledding downhill to the wall.
ate my gyoza at the lake where someone fed seaguls.
went home and ate salad, tofu and tomatosoup. called ian, he's sick but doing better now.
i feel sleepy.
Jan 3
woke up at 4 am and saw snow falling outside. ian wanted to call me because he missed me so much. i miss him too alot. i slept at 5 till 11.
luzern became a winter wonderland. i decided to go for a walk after eating my leftover banana pancakes. everything looks so pretty outside. snowblanket, snowman, snowpeople. i like it when humans have the urge to sculpt and make art out of snow.
my feet hurt from walking. i put on awful shoes. the only water repellant shoes. i got a painful blister that makes me walk like an old man.
went home to call with ian again. ate dinner: salad with ravioli. i heard my roommate practice her opera singing. she's doing a master's. she's really good.
i saw a blood moon appear when the sun was setting from the kitchen.
i watched the holdovers. i like it when movies have troubled people becoming kind of friends together. in this movie they're just acquaintances, annoying student / teacher dynamic. hate and annoyance switch to acceptance and understanding while they learn something from eachother.
Jan 2
i'm grateful my mom and my brother visited me to spend time together during the holidays. today i was waving them goodbye at the trainstation.
after, i walked the stairs 8 times to do the luadry because the elevator doesn't work. i don't mind.
i threw the rest of my wishes in the river and got 3 pretty stones for in return. one reminds me of paul klee's artwork and it fits perfectly in my palm.
my remaining wish i have to work on myself is a wish i can hardly do, because it's complicated. i think i can only achieve it after going through something mentally painful.
Jan 1
happy new year!Vienna classical new years concert on tv.
the sun shines through my window for a fresh day.
mount pilatus accompanied in the distance.
i feel so small in a comforting way.
i want to go on a walk every time i see them.
we had a nice buffet at the station.
after, we spend our day at the art museum. picasso, paul klee, kadisnky, monet, etc. paul klee caught my eye. i've heard of him before but i never saw his art until now. i locked in so hard. when you find a new artist you like inside a museum the entire experience feels so different. you just want to spend time for a whole day without getting tired.
big fan, linework, color contrasts, surreal visual style, geometric shapes, i love it. first day of the year: being inspired.