Feb 27
I went on a walk during break to buy some snacks. I tried Ube cookie. It was pretty good, but the spot behind my nose bridge and between my eyes started to hurt, probably because of the insane amount of butter in there.
the previous diary was wack. i want to make it better
I went on a walk during break to buy some snacks. I tried Ube cookie. It was pretty good, but the spot behind my nose bridge and between my eyes started to hurt, probably because of the insane amount of butter in there.
It stayed sunny today as well. When i went home there was this huge flock of birds flying around again and this time it was HUGE. I've never seen this many in years.
I didn't know where those birds would fly to so i just cycled the regular route. They started to fly above me and i filmed them, it looked so cool. But i totally forgot it would be super risky. Because they pooped on my darkblue jacket. luckily not much but still. I felt embarassed but accepted it.
My dad told me it's a sign of luck, because it's a rare occurence.
I hope so.
At my internhip i was able to try to make lino prints. I had LOTS of fun. carving out the drawing i want to stamp. I can make so many prints and patches now. It's super easy to buy all the materials. I posted some pics online and my friend texted me to ask for a collab with her fashion project to sew patches with my drawings on them. Hellyeah i would.
In general it was such a beautiful day. Finally after so many windy wet and cold days the sun finally appeared.
I went for a long walk calling with my bf. He missed me and he didn't wanted to sleep alone. We just talked till he slept. I can't wait to meet him again.
I hate this day
I spend some time with my bf this morning which was very nice though. I appreciated it alot.
But I still had this wack feeling so i tried to change it by spending time by myself getting cake, sandwich and orange juice for lunch. As well with new cd's and a new shirt that's probably going to be my new favourite shirt.
Later today i went to this party to support my friend's performance and everything sucked again. Her directed performance wasn't bad, it was super amazing! She made all the costumes where one of them was made by her friend.
It was alright to see everyone again after months spending time abroad. I couldn't talk much because everything was too overwhelming and i only felt comfortable talking to my friend. But she hopped from multiple friends to another.
Later that night we danced in this other room to dance the fuckass wack feeling away. It failed. I danced alone between these couples.
today's lesson: never go to a party on valentines day (unless you're not single). But LDR just sucks on valentines day automatically.
i went home and cried.
Gosh what the fuck did i do. I think i'm doing very good when it comes to art opportunities and showing them. My movie was used for a 'good example' for the year below me, i finally got an internship where i get to work on something really cool and to learn about surviving as a freelance animator, got to work on an ident for Adult Swim where i got to be the art director for it, I know people who are incredibly inspired by me and one of them made an entire youtube essay about the realities of being an oddball artist, which is a really good and awesome video go watch it!, and they tagged me in it. It's all very cool and i'm happy that that part of my life is doing well. But a part of my social life is just fucked up and i don't want to compare myself with other people. It has a huge impact on literally everything and i just can't think straight anymore because of it. I chose this part and i don't know how to get out of it. Uhm, i should not write this down in public maybe, because i don't want to write what that part exactly is. People can see my screen. It sounds stupid but from previous experiences you know why shit happens the way it happens. I'll give an update later.
It's almost time. Almost time to leave Switzerland. I've learned alot from this school and from myself i guess. It was the first time leaving my house and it has been the greatest shit ever, but also the worst. The worst because i noticed i get anxious when i'm at a place far away from my family. I constantly think that something fucked up might happen and that i would die alone or that no one would help me on time. Iknow it won't happen, but my brain is weird. I'm trying to let it temporarily rain on me and leave those thoughts. I looovvee traveling so much, but the fact that i get panic attacks from thinking about those things is just annoying. There's this paradoxal thing where i really want to leave my country so bad, but as soon when that happens i get panic attacks and want to go back to familiar safety.
Regardless of all that i had a really great time in general. I miss my hometown and i never thought i would say that because i was so bored back home. And i miss the punkconcerts. I gained the courage to text with friends to hangout and i can't wait to see them. I'm still kind of scared because i never know what to do but that's why we'll just figure it out. mhyea. my brain is fried from compositing my movie. Oh i just ate dinner together with classmates which is so fun. I'm going to miss that. I wish we could do that at my homeschool but nop we're not even able to stay there till late. i would love to switch but i don't want to make a thesis soooooo. i'd rather want to finish this. i'm going to miss everyone and i'm definitely planning to see everyone again during christmas maybe. Definitely during Annecy if i got the money.